Hello to all,
I have a Chiari 1 Malformation. What is THAT, you ask?! Well, it's kind of a long story, but it has a happy ending. In 2010, I suffered a random head injury, (my own stupid fault) which made the condition exponentially worse. The pain was unbearable and required surgery. I had a lot of memory and processing issues as a result, which have, thankfully, resolved. It took 2 years to recover, which is fairly quick in neurological terms. I still have some pain, occasionally, and I have near constant migraine activity (future blog topic!) I have considerable trouble exercising, due to the residual Chiari malformation. Anytime my blood pressure is increased significantly, pain immediately blossoms at the base of my skull, and sometimes brings me literally to my knees. Though I have seen a HUGE improvement in my overall health, since the surgery, this is one little gremlin that just can't see to shake. I can't complain, though; God is with me. I am never alone, even in my pain. Happily, I can comfortably walk without head pain and am exploring alternative methods of weight management to add to my repertoire. (...future blog topic!)
There are two other annoying little misfits that I can't seen to shake. These are a couple neurological functions which have taken their sweet time catching up. Time and math remain my two banes! I'd wager that those 2 functions are connected somehow, possibly being processed in a similar area of the brain. My brain has difficulty judging what time it is, or how much time has passed. At 9:00 in the morning, it may feel like 10:00 at night to me. I'm never hungry when I should be. I wake up at 2AM, exhausted, but feeling strongly that it's time to get up, even though it's still dark out. This is a constant issue. Also, math is a challenge for me. I was never the world's greatest mathematician, but now... Well, let's just say, I'm exceedingly grateful for the multi-function calculator on my phone! I use it every day. All I can do is my best, try to improve where I can, and ask for help when I need it. I suppose that's all any of us can do.
Surprisingly, in some cosmic attempt to make up for my numerical deficits, God has seen fit to grace me with a miraculous overflow of words! I've always had an affinity for writing, especially my school assignments, but this is different. In school, I wrote short stories and essays, and even made a children's book, complete with illustrations. I happily took the opportunity to write papers (some 25 pages long) as an assignment, whenever they were offered as a substitute to public speaking. I hated public speaking! In my free time, I would occasionally write a poem, maybe as a gift for someone's birthday, etc. My main passion was drawing, disney-style cartoons, mostly. As a teenager, I made custom greeting cards, which my sister sold to her friends at college. (all of the designs on the cards that I sold were original. No copyright/trademark infringement was perpetrated.) I had written less than 10 poems during my entire life before the accident (not counting the 'birthday gift' poems.) I had never written a song in my life. In the last 5 years, since 2010, I've written about 15-20 poems and well over 80 songs! To me this is nothing short of a miracle! (The Many Miracles I've Witnessed: future blog topic!) The Lord taketh away, and he giveth...and giveth...and giveth some more!
My writing is often compulsive in nature. It often wakes out of a sound sleep at night, and I can not relax until I've written down whatever words are looping in my brain. As soon as I write them down, they disappear from my mental 'to do list.' On rare, scary mornings, I wake exhausted, to find pieces of paper on my bureau, covered with my barely legible handwriting. Sometimes my notebook is laid open, to reveal line after line, sometimes whole pages of writing, or multiple completed songs, that I have no memory of committing to the page. Thankfully these morning, as I said, are rare. When I first wake up, seems to be the optimal time for the madness to begin. I often write for a few minutes before I do anything else, sometimes before I even get out of bed. Strangely, I often write after taking a shower. I think it's possible that the noise of the running water, cancels out the clamor of the world and creates an environment free of distractions. That's my theory, anyway. Some of my favorite songs have been born of water. Most of my songs could be categorized as gospel, christian contemporary, or country in style. I have a few rock and roll numbers thrown in there for good measure. I don't ever try to force a certain kind of style into my songs. My ideas are simply born of their own accord, each with it's own style. Then, I have the pleasure of taking the rough idea, and crafting it into a song that makes sense. But, quite often the ideas come with already fully formed verses or chorus, which make it all the way to the final draft. I don't know how other people write, but this has been my lyrical journey, so far.
I'm not sure where this road leads, and at times it's been a rocky one. But, I know this, if God has given me this gift, then He has a purpose for it, and for me. So, I'm will to walk where He tells me to walk, and write down the words that He would have me write down. I'm not crazy about some of His methods... I'm not a big fan of being woken up at 2AM by an unrelenting barrage of words! However, If that's what the Lord God, Creator of the universe, wants me to do, then that's what I'll do. Who am I to tell the King of kings that I don't like His management style? Besides, after all He's done for me... creating this fantastic world, loving me despite my faults, sending Jesus to die for my sins, sending the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort me, and preparing a place in Heaven for me, and a way to get there... I kind of owe it to God to do my best to accommodate His quirky management style, even if that means it inconveniences me.
Well, since I just noticed that it's 4:00 in the afternoon, and I've not had any lunch yet, I should probably wrap this up! Thank you for reading this far; I hope that you have been blessed in some way. I welcome comments and blog topic requests!
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-Rebecca
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